Power can be held in the Smallest of things

“Power Can be held in the smallest of things.” – Gandalf the Grey, Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

So I’m cleaning out my closet literally and spiritually speaking and I hear this long forgotten quote echo In the back of my awareness. “Power can be held in the smallest of things.”  Maybe it is because I have a mystical Pandora station like Enya and Aeoliah playing, that I naturally gravitated towards thoughts of an ethereal and mythic stream.  (I was also thinking that I want to enter the end of my life/ heaven like Atreyu entering Fantasia. But that’s a whole nother topic. )

Then it hit me further and I got to thinking about power.  From living about 30 earth human years on this planet, I have come to notice most humans are seeking some form of power one way or another.  Power over land, Power over a partner, Power over  Money, Sexual Power, Political Power, Work Place Power, Flower Power etc.  I feel like the noob that never got the memo for Earth 101.

Depending on one’s culture we associate power to be this gigantic, strong force that is omnipotent and unyielding.  Big Muscles, fast cars, Loud booming voices, green dollar bills floating in the air make it rain style, Busty Babes yada yada..  I am coming from a North American cultural standpoint. As I stated prior, power might be different depending on the Culture you grew up in  but I find the above to be an underlying theme in the general human consensus.

So I started integrating this quote into an awareness practice that is  giving me power and peace in the moment. I am working on shifting my reality and focus from an extensive healing crisis and Dark night of the soul and I find what is giving me power is to focus on the small things.  I have been overwhelmed in Darkness, negativity  and suffering for so long that I realized when I focused on the small positive and pleasing things I started to return power back to myself.

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Examples: “Oh wow that pink peony bloomed today.” That color of pink is so relaxing.”

” The hair on my head is really protecting my scalp, Thanks hair.”

” This tea is so calming the herbs are nicely blended.”

“That Robin can make a nest like that without hands?”

“I’m so glad I have legs and a place to live.”

“This water is really quenching my thirst and nourishing my cells.”

I hope you get what I am trying to convey. Power can be and come from any source. Some feel like drawing power from large sources will satiate them, others may take the more bite sized approach and perhaps evade spiritual indigestion.  What helps that power grow is our focus and how minimized or maximized we prefer our lense to be.

 

 

 

 

 

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Square one.

So I’m not sure there is a plan or theme to this post but its more of a stream of consiousness based on my past experiences overt the last 2 years or so.

So number one I’m a woman trying to figure out. this crazy ass world from my souls Perspective.  I never felt I fit into  to socities macaroni box standards by any means. I don’t like high heels, wearing make up every day if at all.    All the fuss over bullshit.  Makeup, clothes. Shoes.  I never got that.  And when I tried to fit into that I jsut felt like a huge waste of energy whining and complaing about how my ass looks in a skirt. It all seemed to pointless.  I’m more practical that way. Most of All I dont like sitting  around bitching about nothing and other women. I cant. To me that’s an indicator something is wrong in my life and moral compass.   Usually in those scenarios I point out truths and people can’t handle it. I cant handle it and   an example being a group of girls  I went to HS with sitting around  talking about someone. I suggested that this person is maybe having a hard time why don’t we help her. Of course I’m looked at as having said the worst thing ever.  I’m good at cutting through the fluff and seeing the truth of a situation. Sometimes others cant handle that about me.

I’ve always identified  and thought more as a “man” I guess. Earth society you funny bitch. But in reality I think that’s all bullshit.  Both women and men posses the same spectrum of characteristics just emobided differently.   Woman  being a woman is pretty simple to me but it’s society that confuses the shit out of us and puts on all these bullshit archaic ass labels and you know what. I’m SICK OF IT!.

When I was in grade school I loved playing football with the boys and getting rough and dirty.  It allowed me to exert the necessary energy that most women are told to surpress.  I used to dig for fossils under a tree in the school yard.  I was of course the “weirdo”  fat girl and both kids and their parents were cruel to me.  I was way ahead of my peers and time and often felt like I was left here from some Alien Planet.   Why was it ok for boys to rough house, get dirty,  but not me? WTF !not cool bro.

Later in life.

I guess every woman goes through this to some extent. They face body image issues. Easting disorders. Dealing with wanting to feel wanted by men and attractive and pretty.  They want to feel comfortable with themselves.  I have struggled with that being over weight most of my life. I clung to food as a security blanket and emotional comfort.  I used to binge and purge in college and feel better after wards. I absorbed other people’s shit and projections as the truth about myself. I always felt like I was getting something out of me.  I never sought help. I didnt trust anyone. And my experience of humans had been a cruel one.  So I often turned to writing or solitude walks throught the city or nature.

I wound up self healing over time, my condition wasn’t bad jsut something I did on occasion. It made me feel relief. No on ever gave a shit either if I was ok. Just more human nastyness. Maybe it was from living in NYC. But at my lowest moments people were still cruel and nasty.  People are self absorbed like that.  I was very depressive most of college and most of my life in general. Its caused me to not really fully blossom into my sh full potential.  I guess it felt normal and comfortable to feel that way to me

Flash Forward .  I had d a spiritual awakening in Paris France. I felt alive for the first time in my life. Like something inside of me turned on.  Then the crazy experiences as well as healings started to happen.  Layer by Layer.

I first started doing yoga and meditation  and started to phsyical feel better and lose weight.  Then I started to eat better. incoroprating healtheir foods into my diet.   Then the emotional layers started to peal away and I found ways to cope with extreme anxiety and ptsd.   Years of being numb emotionally finally started to break free and I started to feel again.  I started healng my sexuality and felt my feminine essence. flowing again. the shakti.   heart started opening and I naively started trusting it and tryign to see the god in everyone. Which a is hard thing to do on Earth as boundaries are so necessary. And justt because you feel love and compassion for everyone and everything doesn’t mean you  subject yourself to abuse or boundary violation. i know this is very hard for gentle souls to deal with because most people are operating from base instinct.

Since I started looking good and feeling good the natural explorer in me wanted to see what the world had to offer.  I was also seeking love and to find a loving community and my tribe to to speak.  I wanted to find ways to express myself creatively.  I stumbled across some groups of people and musicians. and tried to genuinely connect with people. The problem or not so problem  is with me I long for deep soul connections and am very caring probably with out being to discenrning . Some people  have greatly taken advantage of that. I had a lot of boundaries violated and in some of my wounds I was trying to heal I seemed to just make them deeper. Especially with men.

I had just broken up with the love of my life.  I was pushing him away because I didnt know how to handle the situation. it was my dream to live in Paris have a loving supportive community and  be bilingual and marry someone who cared for me.  I had all of that and more!  Then the spiritual awakening happened and the healing path beackoned  me.

I had wounds coming up to heal that I was trying to heal through being a bit sexually promiscuous. In my mind I was acting out how men treat women.  Yeah What ever I’ll jsut hit it and quit it mentality.  Which I was defintely seasoned at.  If they didn’t give a fudgesicle about my feelings why should i about them?? Too be quite honest  after experiencing a French lover a lot of those guys failed to really please. They really were just trying to satisfy a quota or base instinct and didn’t really know how to get the job done from a female perspective.  American men don’t really know who to please a woman. Maybe that’s a blanket statement. but that’s been my expereince.  I found myself quite alone and bored.  and I was also creating subconsciously and image of myself that I would later have some problems with.    I reality I wasn’t healing  and grieving the break up.

to be contnueddd

Two Lovers in Sweden, Poetry by Karly Noelle Bacci

Yay my Poem got Posted on a poetry site for a contest! Check it out ❤
With Love and Graciousness,
Karly

WILDsound Writing and Film Festival Review

Genre: Love, romance, persecution, historical

Two Lovers in Sweden
by Karly Noelle Bacci

You told me tales of Sweden
A land far from my own
a life fulfilling nature’s worth
with love that in gilded forests grow
and to the morrow we shall face our fate
our one last meeting, of eternal embrace.

We embrace the dawn as Mother Nature intended
We have been taken into graceful Sweden’s palms
Tis not our fate’s will to be rejected
In this land far from our own
for our love’s true essence binds us
and by Nature’s doing we’ve been sewn

In our hearts we feel nature’s swift pulse
our minds are embraced by her warm kiss
a love that mainly few will ever know
Righteous Sweden you are our refuge that permits
two runaway lover’s solace in a land far from their own
Fate has dealt me you, and in you I…

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My first Spiritual Awakening happened while eating Pain au Chocolat in Jardin de Tuileries Paris, France Part Deux

Continued>>

here I am trying to teach English to the kids Sam and Yannis by making chocolate chip cookies. Hilarity ensues.

Aside from all new and exciting discoveries and personal growth happening things were starting to shift in my relationship. My Fiance and I had filled out and submitted all the necessary paperwork for marriage. We were excited to finally get the administrative part out of the way, which was the only thing really holding us back from being with each other. We waited and stressed for weeks for all the documents.Finally  we were able to set a date to meet at Le Mairie(townhall)and hand in all of our paper work.  It was a relief when we were finally able to set a date, September 9th, 2010, To be married. This was right before my Au Pair visa would expire so it was perfect timing. We were going to be legally married ,and me able to start my french life with l’amour de ma vie

Well a few weeks went by, and this new reality set in that we were going to be married and not have administration and visas defining when we could see each other and for how long.  However something shifted. I was growing and shedding old parts of myself and discovering who had been buried underneath all those years. Then it happened what once was joy and excitement, turned into confusion and doubt. We started to drift from each other slowly. We would talk less and less and the underlying tension of this being the right decision was mounting.

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Me  with L’ecoute sculpture At place Rene Cassin outside Saint Eustache Eglise, Paris, France

One day I was to help the family with watching the kids at Le Foire de Pairs (one of the biggest business expos in Paris.) The family was demonstrating their business there and I had to watch Sam the younger son.  We were going around looking at different booths for things that interested him. After walking around for quite a while observing all these material creations I smelt the burning of a woodsy element in the air from around the corner. The smell triggered something familiar in me and I insisted to Sam we go check out this booth.

Me:  “Allons-y sam je veux regarder quelquechose la bas.” (Let’s go Sam I would like to check something out over there.)

Sam: “Mais nan! je voudrais du chocolat de cette maison la” (But no! I want chocolate from that stand over there!)

Me: Alors, si on y va d’abord tu viendra  avec moi a cette maison la bas apres? ( ok then, if we go over there first will you come with me to this stand after?)

Sam: D’accord, mais seulement si je pourrais acheter plein de chocolat! ( Ok, but only if i can buy a lot of chocolat!)

Sam: “Moi en plus Je voudrai un kilo.” ( Me, in addition would like 1 kilo)

Me “Un kilo? quoi t’es fous, c’est trop! et encore  tu n’as pas manager le diner” ( A kilo? what? You’re crazy thats too much hand you didn’t eat dinner yet.)

Sam: “Excuse-moi madamemoiselle mais tu ne sais pas vivre.”( Excuse me miss but you don’t know how to live)

Me” Eh bien dis donc,Sam!” ( Well you don’t say.)

After the chocolate debacle I was able to get him to settle on a few grams . A kilo would have been way too much and  I could already hear his mother speaking down to both me and him in my mind. I never thought I’d be arguing in French over chocolate with a 10 year old in a million years. But Sam was like that. He would be classified as ADHD in the USA but in France that’s not really heard of.  He used to tell me all the time that homework was slavery forced upon children by adults.  This would always have me laughing.

Finally, I made it to the booth where the aroma of trees and earthy delights, and soothing flutes were beckoning me for the past hour. It was a Native American, and Western themed Booth. ( In France they are fascinated by the idea of cowboys.)  A part of me got excited and curious at the same time. Luckily the cowboy section intrigued Sam as well so he was able to keep busy.  There were bins of native trinkets, incense , clothes, necklaces, flutes, you name it.  I was floored and feeling a tingling of familiarity with the items. I greeted the Shop owner who was Native American and he gave me a knowing glance. “It all looks very nice.” I said while checking out some CDs

” I’m glad you enjoy it he smiled.”

” Here you might want to check these out.”

He then directed me to a basket filled with handmade necklaces of wood and bone and other earthy elements. I was digging through the basket for a while when an item struck me in particularly. It was almost oval shaped with wood backing and smooth ivory or bone covering with red and greed painted at the top.

“What is this for?” I asked my brow furrowed with curiosity.

He glanced at me and started laughing I thought maybe  I had done or said something wrong.

“That’s to protect you from negative energy.” “It’s very powerful.”

At this point in my life I had no idea what negative energy was, nor why I needed protection from it. I would have asked further on the matter but I was sure I needed to buy it. It was only a few Euros so luckily on my au pair salary I was able to afford it.

“I’ll take it I said.”

“Great it’s perfect for you.” he added while he was wrapping it up carefully.

I asked him a few more questions before leaving since Sam was starting to get antsy and his mother was phoning me. The whole time I was wondering what he meant by negative energy but I was going to do my research online when I got home.

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>

With Love and Graciousness,

Karly

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My first Spiritual Awakening happened while eating Pain au Chocolat in Jardin de Tuileries Paris, France Part Un

Soundtrack:( Best played while reading)

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Me at La fete de la Musique 21 juin  along the Seine in Paris

It was December 2009, I was just finishing up my senior year in College  at Pace University in Manhattan with plans to leave the USA as quickly as possible after graduating. I was in the midst of a 2 1/2 almost 3  year long distance relationship with my then first love,  love of my life, and soul mate. I felt each time I packed my suit cases hastily I was truly returning home to my 2 loves, a man and a city. A home to one of the most artful, philosophical and romantic cities on this planet, Paris France.

I was working as a French-speaking nanny to two bright young children Nevada and Charly, whom most people thought were my children. I made sure of it they were fluent in French before my time with them was up. The thing that deeply saddened my heart though was their mother not letting me say goodbye to them before I left. I felt like I had spent 2 and a half years of my life dedicated as their French teacher, Guardian, and overall Marry Poppins Figure and was dismissed like nothing ever happened. I cried at that, but in retrospect understood it was probably for the better.

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After transitioning from that Job I decided the best way to re-enter France long term was to be an Au Pair. So naturally, I quickly found a small agency located around Union Square, interviewed, got accepted, and made the arrangements back home to Paris. I was ecstatic to return home for I had the impression and intention at the time that I wouldn’t becoming back to the USA for quite a while.

I au paired for a family with a Moroccan father and French mother with 2 boys (and in Morocan culture apparently boys can do no wrong nor should be punished.) An Au Pair, is a French word for a young foreign person, typically a woman, who helps with housework or child care in exchange for room and board. I had a contract for a few months and saw it as a temporary means until I could segway into marrying my fiancé.

In reality, my dreams of being an expatriate in one of the worlds most charming cities with the love of my life was coming true.  I even lived in the town next to where Amelie ( a popular international French film by director Jean-Paul Jeunet)  would go to visit her father on the weekends and even took the same train from Gare du Nord as her to get there.  Life felt very surreal.

Well when I arrived I  never thought I would experience that much stress handling 2 preteen boys. In jobs like these I’m used to  the amount of stress that comes with it but in this case it was a little unbearable for I had never lived in someone else’s home before.

It was stressful to live in a room that had no locks,  boys left shooting off hundreds of euros worth of fire works in the backyard and bibi guns constantly and with a frazzled mother constantly berating you due to her undealt with stress. I luckily had my fiancé, his family, and my friends to run to on the weekends to regain my sanity.

A few weeks into the program I met Wesleigh, a granola eating, green juice drinking yogi from California who was an au pair in the adjacent town. We connected right away and would go on nightly walks during the week trading stories about how bratty or mal élevé   our kids were that week. Wesleigh was a true and true free spirit and was an angel sent to me during this period of high stress. My stress and anxiety  was getting so bad I had difficult sleeping, going to the bathroom , and found myself crying nightly.  It was then that she introduced me to Yoga and Ayurvedic self care rituals.

I fervently searched youtube videos and online articles about the matter. I felt I had come home to something.  Within weeks of doing my first video I had noticed drastic  changes in my weight my mood, sleep, anxiety,  and over all wellbeing. I didn’t feel so trapped or as stressed anymore where I was living.

I became so passionate about yoga in such a short time I was starting to tell everyone in my proximity and even demonstrate at Parisian soirées. I sounded like a parrot squawking “Yoga, Yoga” sans the head bop.

After my body started melting down and toning away years of emotions I started to crave healthier foods naturally. I had a really strong craving for curry hit me out of nowhere so one afternoon I went the Franprix and purchased a small bottle of this golden amalgamation of spices. I then started to put it and on nearly EVERYTHING I ate.

It one was one evening at my Fiance’s that I decided to research what was in curry exactly to get  a better idea of what I was consuming that was making me feel a little better.  I found that the mix of most of the spices acted like anti-depressants. Having suffered depression most of my life I started to understand why I was craving it like a mad woman. i couldn’t get enough. My discover than opened the door further into Ayurveda, the ancient Indian Health care tradition practiced in India. My fiance jokingly said one evening that i was starting to smell like and indian spice shop. This was very true.

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>

With Love and Graciousness, ❤

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And the answers swiftly filtered in and in like the waters underneath your skin

KARLY - WIN_20150710_161659 (2)        “And spirit silently softly said “Hush my dear, Hush my dear, No need to rush my dear.”

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With Love   and graciousness,

Karly

First and foremost, Welcome my friend. Here is some tea, pease do enjoy the ride.(Introduction)

Hello, Aloha, Salut, Ciao, Merhaba, Annyeung Hola, all!

My name is Karly, and I am 28 revolutions round the Sun going through the thick of my Saturn Return.  What you are about to read are true accounts, lessons, and experiences I’ve learned upon my spiritual awakening and healing path.(which is still in process)  I’m glad you can join me at this point in my journey and I salute you, whomever you are, and whatever you are going through in your existence. Here is a cup of tea, sit down relax and hopefully you will be able to laugh, cry, and contemplate, celebrate and most importantly laugh with me.

I promise and honor to speak my truth about each experience as clearly as possible. For what’s the point of sharing such information if it is not? Since I was a child I have been pointing out truths and have been mocked, isolated, tormented, and tortured for it by peers, other parents, teachers, family, friends. We live in a world that runs from the truth, sugar coats it, dresses it up in celebrity and fluff, but doesn’t actually convey it directly.  Now we are living in an age that we are starting to realize  sugar coated truth is making our teeth rot. If you don’t resonate with what I have to say or believe it that is fine by me and I honor and respect that.  We often forget that ,indeed, that most times truth is stranger than fiction.

I merely wish for this platform to serve as a space in which I can share my story, my pains, my joys, my confusions and overall humanness. It is a place to heal, to grow, and unify the human condition.  My intention is that in exposing my healing process I can help lift someone along the way. For we are all connected and Healing me is healing we.

I thank you for your patronage whomever you may be, and feel free to respond, donate, refer and share this Blog or comment. Contact me if something resonates with you. My intention is for healing to occur for me and my readers. That would make me the most happy as we are in a planetary crisis and in need of healing our collective wounds.

Many blessings my friend. Enjoy the ride.

With love and Graciousness,

Karly (Wind Flower)

KARLY - WIN_20150711_132924

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